Get to Know You Questions for Dates and Couples

Good get to know you questions for couples are open, a little personal and leave room for stories. They don't ask "What do you do for work?" but "What do you like about your job, and what don't you?" Below you'll find questions for new acquaintances and dates, and then questions for couples who have been together a long time and want to get to know each other again.

What good getting-to-know-you questions do

A good question makes it easy for the other person to tell you something about themselves without feeling quizzed. That works when it invites a story instead of a yes or no. "Do you like to travel?" gets a yes. "Where have you been lately that you really loved?" gets a place, a person and a reason.

Two things work almost every time. First: ask about specifics, not general opinions. Second: ask about what excites someone, less about what they do. People come alive when they talk about something that matters to them.

Questions for getting to know someone at the start

These questions suit the first meetings, chats or a walk. They're relaxed and don't demand revelations.

What did you do this weekend that did you good?
Which place in your town is secretly yours?
Which food can you eat any time, no matter how often?
What was the best concert, film or book lately?
What would you get up early for on a day off?
What are you really good at that nobody expects?
Which trip changed you the most?
What was your dream job as a kid?
If you had a week off tomorrow and money didn't matter, where would you go?
Which show have you watched three times?

Questions that show a bit more

After a few meetings, it can get more personal. Here you learn how the other person ticks: what matters to them and how they deal with things.

What matters most to you in a friendship?
How can you tell you feel comfortable with someone?
What has changed you the most in the last few years?
How do you like to spend a Sunday?
What about yourself sometimes bugs you a little?
What do you need to wind down after a hard day?
What could you talk about for hours?
How important is your family to you, and how often do you see them?
What are you looking for right now, apart from a relationship?

On dates, honest answers count for more than good ones. If you sugarcoat at the start, you begin the relationship with a false picture. And you're allowed to say no: "I'm not ready to talk about that yet" is a perfectly fine answer.

Questions for chat and dating apps

Questions work differently in writing than at a table. Long questions in a chat feel like homework. Short and specific wins.

Coffee or tea, and how do you take it?
Which photo on your phone tells the best story?
Where was your last vacation, and what would you do again?
Which day of the week is your favorite, and why?
Dog, cat or neither?
What's the last thing that made you really laugh?

Don't ask everything you want to know in the chat. Save something for the meeting. A conversation that's already played out in the chat has nothing left to offer at the table.

Tips for the conversation itself

It's not a questionnaire. If you ask five questions in a row, the other person feels like they're in a job interview. Ask one question, listen, share something of yourself, and only then ask something new.

Pick up on what was said. The best next question is usually in the last answer. If he mentions he was in Lisbon, ask about Lisbon.

Laugh when it's funny. Relaxation matters more than depth. Trust grows out of laughter.

Notice your own reaction. If an answer bothers or moves you, that's information.

If you're looking for questions for the first meeting specifically, see the first date questions.

If you've been a couple for a long time: getting to know each other again

The idea that you don't need to get to know each other after years is a mistake. People change: job, friends, health, what they believe, what they want. You may have spent a thousand evenings together and still never asked how the other is doing with their work right now, whether they still want it, or what they miss.

The difference from new dates: you have prior knowledge, and that's also the catch. If you think you know the answer, you stop listening. So for once, act as if the person across from you were someone you've just met.

Who are you today, and how are you different from who you were five years ago?
What's on your mind most right now that we've never talked about?
Which hobby that you gave up do you miss?
What would you do differently today than back when we got together?
Which shared moment was the loveliest for you, and do you know what I'd say about it?
What have you learned in this relationship that you wouldn't have learned anywhere else?
How do you see me today compared to back then?
What should I never unlearn if we're still together in twenty years?
What question have you never asked me?

You'll find more questions for this case in the questions to ask your partner.

An example of how that can look

Imagine you ask after ten years: "What was your first impression of me?" One answer might be: "I thought you were arrogant until you tripped over the waiter." You may never have heard that. And suddenly you're talking for an hour about an evening you both thought was long since told. Questions like this work because they aim at a story you only half share.

For you as a couple, that means: ask about the beginning, about the detours, about what wasn't said back then. And ask about now too, because the most interesting person is sitting right in front of you, not in memory.

How to get this into daily life

For couples, the hard part is the moment, rarely the question. When you're tired in the evening, nobody takes on a big conversation. That's why a small, fixed rhythm helps more than a good resolution: one question a day, answered in two minutes. Us2 has this built in: you get a question, each of you answers on your own, only then do you see the other's answer and can keep writing underneath. Even after years you learn things that would otherwise never come up. If you prefer analog: write a question on a slip of paper and draw one at dinner.

How many questions are enough

A handful per meeting. If you need more, you probably haven't listened enough. More important than the number is that after the evening you know something new about the other person that surprised you. If that happened, it was a good conversation.

What not to ask

On dates, better not to ask right away about exes, income or the number of kids you want. That comes later, when it fits on its own. And for long-term couples: no questions whose answer is a reproach disguised as curiosity. "Why don't you ever..." is not a getting-to-know-you question.

If you'd like to do a bit of this every day, take a look at Us2.