Valentine's Day Ideas Without the Kitsch and Hype

Good Valentine's Day ideas don't cost a fortune and manage without roses and little hearts. All that matters is that you deliberately keep the day free for each other. Below you'll find suggestions for the morning, the evening and everything in between, for home and for out, cheap and elaborate.

Why many couples don't like Valentine's Day

On February 14 you see the same pictures everywhere: bouquets, chocolates, set-price menus. If you don't feel like any of it, you're not alone. Many couples feel you shouldn't have to give each other on a set date what you should be showing all year.

There's still a lot to be said for using the day, but on your terms. It's an occasion everybody already knows. You don't have to explain anything when you say in the evening: tonight we're making time. That's an advantage you can happily take.

Agree on two things beforehand so nobody is disappointed:

Do you want to give each other something, and if so, what's the maximum?
Do you want to go out or stay in?

Five minutes of talking about it avoids the classic case where one person stands in the doorway with flowers and the other with nothing.

Ideas for the morning and the day

The day starts earlier than the evening, and small things count for more there than you'd think.

Breakfast in bed or on the sofa, with something the other loves and you never make otherwise. It doesn't have to be nicely presented.
A note on the mirror, on the kitchen table or in a jacket. One sentence that refers to something specific from yesterday or last week.
A long walk somewhere you haven't been in a while. No destination, but with a thermos.
A day without phones until the evening. That sounds harsh, but often turns out to be the best part.
Baking a cake or bread together and giving half away.
A small visit to a flea market or a bookstore, where each picks something for the other on a tiny budget.

Valentine's Day ideas for an evening at home

Home has big advantages: it's quiet, there's no reservation, and nobody's watching. The catch is that it easily turns into a normal Tuesday. Small rituals work against the Tuesday effect.

Cook something together that you've never made. Pick a recipe, get the ingredients, fail together.
Give the evening a name and a theme: "Italy", "First date", "Student days". With matching music, food, clothes.
Eat on the floor or in the living room like a picnic. The table looks the same every day.
Have a movie night with the first film you saw together, or the worst one, so you can laugh.
Play a card game or board game with a small stake: the loser makes breakfast tomorrow.
Light candles, switch off the lights and talk. It's the simplest idea and often the best.
Look at old photos together, and each pick five that mean something to you.

If you're looking for ideas for evenings that aren't Valentine's Day, there's more in date night ideas at home.

Ideas for going out

If you go out, you save yourself above all one thing: the feeling that nothing is happening.

A walk by the water, in the woods or in town after dark, with something warm to drink at the end.
A neighborhood you've never been to, with the rule: we eat wherever we see a light first.
A spa, a hot tub or a bath at home with candles, if it's too cold outside.
A small concert, a reading or a play. On February 14 it's usually emptier than on other days, if it isn't a cheesy program.
A trip that's slightly too far: sledding, a village with a winter festival, a castle in the snow.
A restaurant, but the simple one: the one where you like to eat anyway, not the one with the special menu. Book early, even if it's only a regular table.

Elaborate, if you want more

Sometimes it should be something special. Then it's worth planning early.

A weekend in a small hotel, ideally with breakfast and no schedule. The weekend before or after the 14th is cheaper and quieter.
A trip to a place you only know from hearsay. Train rather than plane, if you have the time.
An evening you plan from A to Z without telling the other anything: pickup, place, food, music. A card with clues turns it into a scavenger hunt.
A class for two, such as cooking, pottery or dancing. If you learn something new together, you have a shared story afterwards.
A photo shoot for two, but relaxed, in the park or at home. You probably have few good pictures of the two of you.

If you actually find the day silly

Many couples like the idea but not the form. Here are ways to use Valentine's Day without pretending it's anything other than a day on the calendar.

Call it something else. The "us day", the "day we go out for dinner".
Celebrate it on the 15th or the 13th. Then everything is cheaper and emptier.
Set a limit: nothing bought, only time.
Swap a page of text. Each writes down what they liked about the relationship over the last year and reads it to the other.
Donate the money you would otherwise have spent and choose together where it goes.

If you have little time

February 14 also falls on a working day, and after nine hours at the office hardly anyone feels like a program. Then a mini evening is enough: you get home half an hour early, cook something simple, eat without the TV and ask each other a single question. Then you clear up together. That sounds unspectacular, and that's exactly why you'll happily repeat it. Whoever manages two hours that day in which you're both really there has done more than many with a reservation and a bouquet.

If one of you is traveling that day, move it without a guilty conscience. The value is in the evening, not in the date.

Questions for the evening

An evening without a program needs a reason to talk. Questions help when you notice you can't get past daily life.

Which moment from last year should definitely stay?
What was the loveliest surprise anyone has ever given you?
What are you grateful to me for right now?
What do you want to do differently with me next year?
What small thing do you absolutely want to experience this year?
How can you tell I love you, even when I don't say it?

You'll find more in romantic questions and in questions for couples.

A tip that costs little: if you already talk regularly before the 14th, Valentine's Day needs less weight. With Us2 you get a question every day that each of you answers on your own first. On February 14 you won't be sitting in front of a blank page, but have two weeks of answers you haven't talked through in detail yet.

To wrap up

Valentine's Day is neither an obligation nor a mistake. If you like it, use it. If not, leave it. All that matters is that you both know what you're getting into, and that nobody plans alone while the other ends up disappointed alone.

If you want to try it: Us2 is available for three days without payment details, on iPhone, Android or in the browser.