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Long Distance Relationship Statistics: What Studies Show

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According to the best studies available, long distance relationships don't fail more often than other relationships. In Germany, among people aged 18 to 49 who are in a steady relationship, a little over one in six doesn't live with their partner. Only a small share of those live really far away, though. Here are the long distance relationship statistics with sources, plus what research says about closeness at a distance and what you can do with it.

One note up front: most studies only observe couples. They show what occurs together. Whether one thing causes the other, they don't show. Where we could only read a study's abstract, we say so.

How many couples in Germany are in a long distance relationship?

There is no official figure. In the Mikrozensus, the German Federal Statistical Office (Destatis) counts only couples who share a household. In its words, translated from German: "Partnerships without a shared household are not taken into account."

The best source is therefore the FReDA family panel. In 2025, the Federal Institute for Population Research (BiB) analyzed the 2021 answers of over 20,000 people aged 18 to 49. The result:

  • 12.6% of all respondents are in a steady relationship but don't live with their partner. That is one in eight people, counting singles.
  • Of those who are in a relationship, 17.6% live in two homes.
  • Among 18- to 24-year-olds, more people are in a relationship with two homes (28.9%) than live with their partner (18.3%). From 25 on, that flips.
  • Of married people, only 1.5% live apart.

Now the catch: living apart is not the same as a long distance relationship. Of the couples with two homes, 48.1% need less than half an hour to reach each other, 20.1% half an hour to an hour, 14.4% one to two hours. Only 17.3% travel two hours or more. Scaled up, about one in fifty people aged 18 to 49 is in a relationship with two hours of travel or more. That is our own calculation from the two BiB figures, not a figure from the institute.

Numbers like "long distance relationships last 4.5 months on average" are common online. We didn't find them in a scientific source, so they are not included here.

Why couples live apart

According to the BiB, around 62% of couples with two homes say circumstances force them to. The most common reason is the job (30.9%). People who live apart by choice most often say they're not ready to move in together yet (46.2%) or that they want to keep their independence (28.6%).

Almost 60% want to move in together within the next three years, for sure or probably. For most, the distance is a phase with a goal. If you deliberately want to live in two homes for good, there's more in the guide on living apart together.

Do long distance relationships fail more often?

The two studies that ask this question most directly say, at heart: no.

Kelmer and colleagues, 2013. A team at the University of Denver surveyed a nationally representative sample of 870 people twice. People in a long distance relationship reported higher relationship quality at the start, more dedication to the relationship and felt less trapped. By the second survey, though, the long distance couples had split up just as often as couples who lived near each other. The abstract gives no percentages, and we couldn't read the full text.

Dargie and colleagues, 2015. A team at Queen's University in Canada surveyed 717 people in a long distance relationship and 425 in a same-place relationship. There were few differences. What predicted relationship quality was the people and the relationship themselves, not the distance. The authors write that people in long distance relationships are "not at a disadvantage." Again we only had the abstract.

The German data are more cautious. In the BiB report, people with two homes are somewhat less satisfied with their relationship: 8.21 out of 10 points against 8.30 for those living together. If you adjust for the fact that they are younger and less often have children, the gap is about 0.35 points. 31.5% have seriously thought about a breakup, compared with 16.3% of those living together. These relationships are also only about three years old on average, those of couples living together twelve. Young relationships wobble more often, however many miles lie between you.

Interesting for long distance relationships: the most satisfied were those who need 15 to 30 minutes to reach each other (8.3 points), the least satisfied those with more than four hours of travel (8.0). And satisfaction rose with the number of meetings per week. This too is a link, not proof.

Why long distance couples often feel closer

The best-known study on this is by Crystal Jiang and Jeffrey Hancock (2013). 63 student couples in the US, 30 of them in a long distance relationship, logged every conversation with each other for a week, more than 3,000 in total.

The couples at a distance had fewer contacts per day. But after each single contact they felt somewhat closer: 6.08 versus 5.80 points on a scale up to 7. Two things explained it. They told more personal things about themselves. And they assumed the other was telling more personal things than they actually were. The effect was strongest when writing, weaker on the phone, weakest on video calls.

The limits: 63 couples, one week, almost all separated because of studies. The difference is small.

What you can do with this: Now and then put something personal into the small messages in between. "I'm home" is logistics. "I was nervous before the appointment today, and then it went well" is a piece of you.

Texting or video calls?

A survey of 647 students aged 18 to 25 in Canada (Holtzman and colleagues, 2021) found: people in a long distance relationship who texted more often and more attentively were more satisfied with the relationship. For couples in the same place this wasn't the case. How often someone made video calls was not linked to satisfaction in either group.

The research team itself warns against concluding that more texting makes people more satisfied. It is a one-time survey. What the data show: responding attentively to what the other writes goes with the more satisfied couples in long distance relationships.

That is exactly what one question a day is meant for, like in Us2. Each of you answers on your own, by text or voice message, when it fits your day, and sees the other's answer only afterwards. That way something personal lands in the chat every day, even if there's no call today.

The critical moment: when the distance ends

Laura Stafford and her team followed student couples in the US whose long distance relationship ended. According to the 2006 abstract, about half eventually move to the same place, and the other half break up before that. Of the couples who do get together, a third break up within three months. Those who broke up more often missed things about the long distance relationship.

A second study (Stafford and Merolla, 2007) adds: couples at a distance idealized the other more. Long gaps between visits and strong idealization predicted that the relationship wobbled after they got together.

Both studies are almost 20 years old, from the US, about students, and we only know their abstracts. The direction is still a good hint.

What you can do with this:

  • Keep the gaps between visits short whenever you can.
  • During visits, also live everyday life: shopping, a tired evening, a fight over the dishes. That protects you from a picture that's too good.
  • Before the move, talk about what you like about the distance. Your own evenings, your own friends, your own routines. Which of them do you want to keep? More on this in the moving in together tips.

What you can do tonight

  • Ask each other: "When will we live in one place, and what would have to happen for that?" An honest "I don't know yet" is also an answer.
  • Set the next visit before this evening is over.
  • Tomorrow, write the other a message that has a feeling in it and no time of day.
  • Answer what the other writes with a follow-up question instead of a thumbs-up.

More practical ideas for daily life at a distance are in the long distance relationship tips.

Sources

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